It was a beautiful summer afternoon, and our daughter came rushing to me with a panting breath. I could hear her stuttering up the stair well, the frequency with which her steps were placed said more than anything about the level of temper to which the earthly goddess had risen. She came upstairs, rushing, while I was feeding the pigeons on our terrace, in our upstate middle class house in Navi Mumbai. Her mother was not around, and the sun had risen, and that would just mean she was mine to take care of.
Sai and I had this beautiful way to solve problems that were to do with our daughter. As long as the sun was still down, Shradha was her daughter. And once the sun was up, she was mine and mine alone. To teach, to love and raise.
Sai got most of her pleasure from these two facts. Shradha was a soft sleeper, once she slept off, she never woke up until the sun was up and burning. And two, She really loved watching me raise the kids, he silence was the one thing that was there with me ever since I was twenty. She was silent, but her heart was always beating to protect and care for me. That I know, because there is always a stutter, when she tell me, you have to take care of yourself when I am not around. And I would think in my head, what would I ever do without you Sai da.
Shradha was not a hot tempered torementor. Instead, she was a soft spoken angel, never indulged in any fights, or got into arguments with others. Very much like her mother. Very much like the woman who raised her and cared for her and gave her milk and seeks no appreciation for the fact that she made the word mother a verb in our daughters life. She mothered her, and I really enjoyed every bit of the woman she grew out to be. In more ways that ever.
Shradha came upstairs and then, watched me feed the pigeons. I acted as thought I did not see her, winking and smiling to myself, I just sat down and picked up more rice in my head to feed the beady eyed devils. Ever since my stay in Ahmadabad, pigeons were one species I knew I had to keep calm, or it would only be a matter of time before we saw a pigeon’s nest in our freezer. She was still there. Behind my back, probaby with a frown that had to be turned upside down, eyes looking into my soul and burning it up with her disappointment. I was still smiling, and wanted to watch her reaction..
You know Sai da. The process of raising a kid is very much a process of us growing up in ourselves. Decisions have to be made, growth has to be attained. My MBA came into use only here. Most of our businesses run because of the validity of our ideas, but the MBA was never out to much use but for our beloved daughter.
She was right behind me,
“Tell me Shradha, what’s troubling you dear?” I said, in a concerned tone, but nevertheless, knowing fully well that she could take care of herself.
“Papa.. You promised to take me out bowling today, you completely forgot” she was sad, her voice made it evident. But then, a promise was a promise, and I made that promise. She never lies, especially to me. She does lie to you though, sometimes because she wants things done quicker, and some times because she loves you so much that she does not want you to face any form of harm. I am her guardian angel now, you have always been too caring a mother and not sp much a friend to her. Remember how you tell me “She’s your daughter Bujju, not your friend, stop treating her like one”. Sai da.. For ages I’ve been treating everyone as my equal. Remember the time I brought Arul home tpo teach english at 2 in the morning? That was a fun class, was it not?
She wanted me to take her bowling, but traffic was so much more than anything we actually fathomed. 2028 was more a year of patience and tolerance than the years of a 80 kmph ride from dad’s office to her dad’s place in 40 minutes. It would be impossible to reach her favorite bowling destination. Sai, how did she inherit so much from you and nothing from me but her spirit? She loves everything you love, just with the spirit only I carry. The darned straight optimist came to me asking for something and it was only fair that I give it to her. She knew things would happen if she came to me. Her mom, was more of a practical realist. Her dad was the man to reach when things had to be done. And her she was, proving every moment that she was my daughter, as much as she was yours.. I guess that’s one pleasure we always enjoyed at twilight hour when she was getting ready for school and also coming back.. The twilight hour..
Neither day, nor night.
Well, she was here and I had to do something about it. How could I say no to my beloved angel ( who did not inherit her mother’s title, baby doll).
I asked her to wait, “Shradha, hold on a moment, I’ll be right back”
She was still holding her bowling ball in her hand. On my command, it went down on the floor and made a gigantic thud. Meanwhile, I walked downstairs, picking up coconut shells and pepsi bottles. When I returned, there were kids from the street littered all over the space on the terrace. Everyone was there, Sonu, Mothi, he best buddy Aisha and Anwar too was here, Curious came up running, that fellow, I don’t know how he was here now, he was supposed be on guard duty for my woman. I guess you were home. And it was only a matter of time before you came upstairs and chased the kids away. Why did you always have to avoid playtime when the sun was sky high at 2? Always sighting health reasons.
Shradha was the one to start, Anwar stacked up all the bottles and shradha started it on with a roll. The whole terrace rumbled. And there was nothing anyone could do about the earth quaking over their heads. Anyone but you could only stand around and watch in irritation, you on the other hand, could pull my ears down to home and still resisted. I still don’t understand why you love me. I never will understand why you do. But there’s one thing that I know to be as true as my beating heart. If something were to happen to me, my life would be yours to live and my heavy responsibilities would fall on your shoulders.. And you’d do it all, because you love me.
I know you were around. Your fragrance reaches me even before you do, and sticks on to me like gunpowder to a canon. Every morning, How could I forget the ways and means you use to dispurse your fragrance on me?
The bowling charade was over sooner than you would have expected, for “ Aap to hai na..” Once you’re there.. Everything is done in time. My lovely time keeper. Like the atomic clock that forces time into our lives, Sai did, just for me. Shradha went running away from me towards you.. “Mummy, Good evening” with a a warm smile.. “Daddy took me bowling”
“Uptairs?”with your eye brows raised.“Dad had the sedan here, so I guess he could not take more than3 of us to the bowling game” Shradha said with a sad face, you could not bear to see her way. But controlling your smile, you said, “So?”“Anwar was , Motu and Sonu too, the others wanted to watch, dad I believe wanted everyone to be to watch his daughter play, so we stayed back at home”
It was funny how both this uptight city house became home to both you and her. For me, it is home because you are there. You girls carry my home in and out you come back and head out.
Shradha’s surely inspired confidence and good laughter in even the most tormented minds. Unable to control your , “Did you two havelunch?”“Not without you mummy.. She said.. Not showing the slightest bit of failure to understand that her mother actually cared for her..and her father.
“She was the best thing that happened to me”. I said to Shradha. The little one was straining her neck too much looking up all the time.. I just grabbed her by her tender hands and pulled her up to my shoulder and placed her there around my neck. And from then on, the evening would start. The Mother cooks and serves the food, the Father sits and takes care of everyone seated at the table, and the Child eats only the ice cream..
Life as it should be,
Love you Sai da.
Yours truly,
Karthik.
Ps. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. THe only sin you ever commited was to have not met me earlier on. Thats all. Please don’t talk like that.
pps. this letter, I wrote to her when she started feeling like she was causing more problems in my life that she was fixing, I could not let her feel that way, And, shared with her one of our dreams.. And then, she was in smiles and tears..
Sai,
forever yours,
Your Bujju.
